Chiaroscuro – Gifts from Darkness

Having the hall light on and my bedroom door opened a crack helped to keep the monsters away as I fell asleep as a child. It is in the dark many of us feel anxious and unsettled. Darkness can exacerbate our fears and deepen our hurts.

When suffering with depression I want to hide in my closet or some other dark place. Depression draws me into the dark. Depression with its pain, emptiness, and feelings of horror seems appropriate for dark corners. It is easy to see darkness as evil, sadness, and secrets.

However, in my black days of depression, I have come to realize that there is more to darkness than bad things. It was in the darkness that I turned to God and found through prayer and reading a deeper understanding of life, healing, and goodness. I also came to understand that God owns the darkness. Evil may use it, but God owns it. In the scriptures, Genesis 1:4 we learn: “And God saw the light, that it was good, and God divided the light from the darkness. And God called the light day and the darkness he called night.”

In the book, The Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:11, we are taught, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things…” Could it be we need darkness?

In my childhood home there was a large book my parents had out on the coffee table. It was a collection of paintings by the famous Dutch artist Rembrandt. My dad had grown up in Amsterdam, Holland, so I figured that was why this book received a place of honor in our living room. I remember looking at the paintings, and I was always intrigued by Rembrandt’s use of darkness and light. I learned later in an art history class in college that Rembrandt used a French painting technique known as “chiaroscuro” or “light and dark.” Chiaroscuro is used to show a contrast in detail using shadows and light. It also develops dimension in artwork. Rembrandt’s attention to detail set him apart as an artist. Rembrandt understood this important truth; it is through darkness we can understand and appreciate the light.

Section of Rembrandt’s painting “The Night Watch”

As we head into January and February, two of the months of the year where the sun travels the shortest path through the sky, and we have days with the least amount of sun and the longest nights, I have been thinking about darkness. Can we look into the dark without feeling chased by shadows and be able to let go of our fears and our need for control and appreciate that which it offers us? I believe that darkness has lessons to teach and gifts to give. Here are some of the gifts I enjoy:

• Darkness gives us a time to hibernate, so to speak – to slow down, rejuvenate, and to rest. The different seasons provide a rhythm for our bodies to follow, and winter offers us a time to rest. We can do this by: Going to bed earlier; curling up with a cozy blanket to nap or listen to a podcast; planning a sleep in and slow down pajama day; watching a favorite movie; minimizing your schedule so that you can show yourself compassion by becoming more aware of your body’s need to rejuvenate.
• Darkness coaxes us closer to home and hearth. Being home feels good, being home feels safe and in the winter, I love turning on my fireplace and sitting by it as I read a favorite book. Space heaters work well too. I enjoy keeping a pot of soup or a hearty stew on the stove top to quickly nourish and warm me. (Recipe below.) Maybe there is an indoor home project that is calling to you during this time of year. For instance, organizing photos into scrapbooks, putting a fresh coat of paint on the walls in your bedroom, researching family history online, or learning a new piano piece. Fun idea – buy some ready-made cookie dough at the grocery store and enjoy warm cookies while putting together a puzzle with a friend or family member.
• Darkness encourages us to use our other senses. In the darkness, our five senses become more alert, and we can maximize this by: sitting in a comfy chair while the sun begins to set closing our eyes while listening to music. We can plug in an air infuser with oils and enjoy the smell while doing deep breathing exercises to help us relax. It always feels good to me to follow a stretching routine online and sit and elongate the muscles around each of my joints. Light therapy with a sun lamp can help your body soak up that vitamin D it needs. Another good idea is to drop a fizzling bath bomb into your bath water and enjoy that tingling feeling.
• Darkness creates quiet and calm. This helps us to meditate and think deeply. You can do this by writing out a list of affirmations that belong to you and repeat them out loud; composing a letter to a relative; FaceTiming an old friend and enjoying catching up; enlightening yourself by researching a favorite topic; developing a new interest or hobby in something such as astronomy, bird watching, or watercolor painting. In the quiet I like to write in my journal and consider my thoughts and feelings.

• Darkness allows us to see the stars. Stars give direction. Stars tell stories. Stars bring hope. Stars unite mankind. As we watch the stars, we can light candles to return the light to the night’s sky. I also like hanging a mirror in a room to reflect light. When I think of light in darkness and letting the stars guide me, I take this to mean in my life that I will take time for prayer, asking for a deeper understanding of God. I will read God’s word. I will be willing to allow the spirit of the Lord  to direct me. Especially when I am experiencing difficult times. Today I will take the opportunity to slow down and to meditate and ponder my life’s path, my journey, and my purpose in life.

It is because of chiaroscuro, light against darkness that I see details and dimension in my life that I would have no other way to see. It is because of darkness that we seek out light. There’s no need to look for light at noonday. Gratitude feels my heart for the gifts this time of year offers. In the darkness I have gained necessary guidance and experienced renewal as I have reached out and welcomed the light.

 

Elaine H. Quinn

Author of  “It’s Time – Living a Full and Joyful Life with Depression and Anxiety”

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