I’m Here

I enjoy playing in a tennis match with Teresa as my partner. I have learned to communicate well with her, calling out “yours” and “mine” so we hopefully don’t let a ball get past us and when I see a ball being lobbed over my head I call out, “help!” What I really appreciate about Teresa is that when I am up at the net and she is back hitting the deep shots while I am focused on the balls coming at me, I will hear from behind me, as she often calls out, “I’m here!” This means she is there behind me just in case I am not in a great position to hit a good shot and I need her to take that ball for me. I love the feeling of confidence and comfort from her “I’m here” call.

There have been other times in my life when hearing “I’m here” has brought feelings of confidence and comfort. One time I had a little emergency with some medication and needed to see my doctor. Finding out he had an opening that morning I had to find a babysitter and quick. I called my sister Jean and asked, “Are you home?” “Yes, I’m here,” she said, “bring the kids over.” Another time my sister Rebecca called me and after I told her I wasn’t doing well, she said, “I’m here making dinner; do you and your family want to join us?” One Spring, during a rough time, I had cried on my friend Connie’s shoulder. She noticed that some flowers were just sitting in their store packages by my front porch. The next day she showed up at my home with a spade and said, “Could I plant these petunias for you?”

I have experienced other “I’m here” moments with family and friends as I have reached out to them. Like the time I had the flu and had just taken a turn for the worse. My husband Mark was in the middle of a very busy week and was heading from one city to another on a business trip. As he boarded the airplane he felt the need to be there for me and turned around and walked off one plane and he got on another flight headed back to Chicago. “I’m here for you and will be there soon,” he told me as he called by phone.

Over the years I have come to realize that each time I have needed someone to be “here” for me, it was important for me to communicate with them. I had to let them “see” my vulnerability as I reached out to them and asked for assistance. Just like my tennis partner with whom I must communicate to win a game, my friends and family can’t read my mind and I must open up with them and be willing to call out “help!”

Today, when I visit with people about overcoming depression and anxiety, I encourage them to take a brave step and reach out to others to make connections and build a support team. As humans we all need support, connection, and love from others. This is a critical part of being healthy and finding happiness in life. It is common for a person suffering with depression to let connections go and withdraw. This leads to loneliness and feelings of abandonment. It is wise to ask a few people to be on your “support team” and reconnect with those who can be “here” for you. I know it can be hard to do, yet I have found that friends, work colleagues, neighbors, and family respond well to a call for help.

As many of you who read my blog know, I believe that God is always “here” for us. In the book Doctrine and Covenants – 84:88, God says, “…For I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”

I believe that God is asking us to be His angels and help Him in His work to be present for others. In the Bible in John 13:34 we are asked to love one another and in Galatians 6:2 to bear one another’s burdens. We weren’t meant to go through difficult times alone. We all need people in our lives who will call out to us “I’m here!”

There are different ways we can say “I’m here:”

• I hear what you’re saying. Tell me more.
• I understand and I’m on your side.
• It’s okay if you don’t want to talk now, I’m here when you’re ready.
• I’m here, give me a job.
• You are not alone; I am here for you.
• Here is some soup I made.
• Will you join me for a walk?
• If you’d like, I can help you sort things out.
• I care about you.
• What is your favorite way to say, “I’m here!”

As I have received help from others, I feel gratitude, and my thankful heart wants to return the goodness and thus I have the desire to call out “I’m here!” to others. One day I dropped what I was doing and drove straight to a friend’s house after she had broken down and cried on the phone to me. She allowed me into her home where I was able to better understand her situation and could serve her in a more meaningful way. There is something about being willing to be vulnerable that helps us to see each other with compassion and love. We can then serve one another and experience the beauty that grows between people who sacrifice for each other. Vulnerability leading to communication is the first step. Ask the people you care how they are doing. Who are you here for?

 

I discuss in more detail loneliness, depression, and connection in my book in Chapter 13: “The Buddy Bench, Loneliness and Connecting with Others.”

It’s Time – Living a Full and Joyful Life with Depression and Anxiety

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