When Going to Church Stinks

Church Can Be a Stinky Place

“ I can’t go to church,” Carol said, “I smell like tobacco.” Her quick dismissal of my invitation surprised me.

I looked at her puzzled. She did smell like tobacco, but I didn’t understand. “Carol, we miss you at church, I could come by and pick you up this Sunday so we could go together.”

She went on, “You know I have this bad habit of smoking that I am trying to break, but I just can’t seem to do it. I’m embarrassed to have others know that I still smoke.”

Hmm, I thought, I also have some bad habits and shortcomings that I don’t necessarily want anyone to know about either, but my shortcomings don’t smell like tobacco. This made me wonder what my shortcomings and sins would smell like if they did smell. Maybe rotten eggs? I don’t know.

“Carol” I said, “just think about what a stinky place church would be if everyone’s shortcomings and sins smelled! I know I stink! Please come, no one will judge you. We all have our own issues. Everyone will just be glad to see you there.” Carol said she would consider coming to one of the women’s activities and I was glad she felt comfortable doing that.

Sometimes Going to Church is Hard

Like Carol, many of us, at times have reasons that make going to church hard. And it stinks to feel this way. If you could feel welcome and happy anywhere it should be in God’s house, right? Yet, have there been times when you didn’t have the desire to go?  There are multiple reasons for not wanting to go. For me, when my depression is strong and present, the reasons can start adding up fast. For instance, when depressed I am easily offended at church and I feel like I don’t fit in. My negative thoughts can make me feel that God is disappointed in me, or I may feel angry at God. There are times I feel like I am not needed or no one cares if I am there or not. Other times, depression takes away my strength and I just don’t have the energy to even get ready.

With depression I notice that I tend to avoid the very places that help me to heal. It would be like deciding not to go to a party because you feel lonely, or avoiding seeing the doctor until you feel better. Perhaps, you too, have had some of these feelings.

Why Do I Go To Church?

I know that going to church is a choice I make. And lately I have been thinking about that choice. Due to Covid, this past year, I have been zooming worship services. I now have the opportunity to return in person and this has caused me to think on a deeper level about why I attend church. Going takes a lot of effort. In addition, I  know I can’t leave what my experience is there in someone else’s hands or up to any depressive or negative thoughts I may have.

As I have thought about my church attendance and why I go, my answer came in a surge of emotion as I envisioned the door at church and how my life has revolved around it. I see friendship and community, fellowshipping and familiarity. It is there I have learned of forgiveness, forbearance and faith. I have been fortified through unified song and prayers. I see how I have been stretched and have grown by serving others there and I have been blessed by them serving me.

Yet, it is in the silence of my personal surrender as I partake of the bread and water of life, that I come unto God and He accepts me just as I am. This sacrament brings a sweetness as I perceive myself through God’s eyes. It is then I feel worthy and it is then I feel loved. The promise of the Atonement sanctifies anything that may bring a foul odor into my life. I sing the words of a familiar hymn, “Jesus the very thought of thee, with sweetness fills my breast…” It is sweet to reach out for healing. It is sweet to feel peace. It is sweet to gain strength beyond my own. It is sweet to see myself as God sees me. The answer is simple; when I go to church I am made sweet. I praise God for His grace, mercy and goodness.

 

Places of worship, whether they are a church, a synagogue, a temple or somewhere else, are centers of hope, healing, love and support for many of us. I would enjoy hearing about why you go to church. 

 

 

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