Behind the Photo – Everyone Throws Up

As a mother I worry about my children’s and grandchildren’s daily dose…doses of social media. With this “in your face” exposure to everyone’s life, it is easy to fall prey to comparing yourself to others. Comparing, while sometimes can be motivational, usually brings feelings of inferiority, discontent, and misery.

When I am tempted to compare myself with others, I have learned to do something that helps me keep things in perspective. I begin by being happy for the person. For instance, I will say, “I’m glad they are having a wonderful vacation in Hawaii.” I then go on to say, “Besides everyone throws up.”  Saying this makes me smile and is just a little reminder to myself that we are all human and we are all subject to the realities and complexities of life.

Let me explain. A few years ago, Mark and I had the opportunity to go deep sea fishing. Being out to sea holding a fishing line anticipating a strong pull from the other end was thrilling. That day we reeled in some pretty big fish and struggled with them to capture them in the net and bring them into the boat. It was fun. I had a photo taken of the two of us holding some of the fish we had caught. I then shared this photo on Instagram.

What the viewers of my IG post did not see, though, is that the boat we were on was being rocked by large waves. And I became seasick. After this photo was taken, I was bent over the side of the boat, hanging on tightly, sweating, and throwing up into the ocean. Yuk, I hate feeling nauseated and I hate vomiting. Yet, throwing up is just a part of being human and was a part of my fishing experience.

Speaking of vomiting, I remember about ten years ago when Kate Middleton the Duchess of Cambridge and a member of the British Royal Family was expecting her first baby. It was announced in the media that she had been admitted to King Edward VII’s Hospital suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness. Hyperemesis means a lot of vomiting!

Somehow the vision of this beautiful “princess” with her head in the toilet every morning vomiting made me like her so much more. I could relate to her because I, too, suffered with hyperemesis gravidarum when pregnant, and I have spent time in the hospital dehydrated with IVs in my arm. For a few months during each of my pregnancies my head has been in the toilet every morning emptying all my stomach contents. We all can relate to Kate in varying ways because each of us has thrown up.

This is when I asked myself the question, could it be that recognizing behind every smiling social media post we are all human, that we all throw up, that everyone is scared at times, that everyone worries about things, that everyone has hard days, and that everyone has difficult times…could this help me to be more compassionate and empathetic to others and maybe more importantly to myself. Could it also help me understand that comparing is not fair?

Everyone is tempted to compare themselves to others now and then. When someone is suffering with depression and anxiety, they have to be especially careful to not let their negative thoughts from comparing come in and set up camp in their mind and throw a party, so to speak. Ruminating the negative thoughts makes depression worse. Learning to balance negative thoughts with more accurate and authentic ideas while expressing compassion and love can make a big difference in our wellbeing.

We can all boost our mental health and live more joyfully in life by being happy for others instead of making thoughtless and unrealistic comparisons. Keeping things in perspective will help us do this by reminding ourselves that everyone is human, that we all throw up, and that we are all worthy of love.

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